


Fucking Feelings

by uumea



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, Feelings Ruining Shit, Happy Ending, I made myself sad and then happy, M/M, One Shot, POV Taako (The Adventure Zone), Taako Character Study, commitment issues, fear of commitment, romance repulsion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 20:44:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14818536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uumea/pseuds/uumea
Summary: This was getting ridiculous. He was about to get with his boyfriend, the finest piece of ass he had ever laid his eyes on, how dare his fucking feelings get in the way.





	Fucking Feelings

The world was saved and Taako felt sick. Not because of the whole saving the world thing – that was great and all. Super. Bravo them. Who would've thought that a group of complete idiots could actually accomplish such a feat? 

Nah, the issue was of an entirely different nature. After their final encounter with The Hunger and having to endure getting hugged and thanked by what seemed to be the entire surviving population of Faerûn, Taako had very humbly and graciously – as was his nature - excused himself to take a Long Fucking Rest.

And rest he did. All had been well. Until a soft knocking at his door pulled him right out of his deep and very much needed meditation.

Although he really didn't feel like it, Taako heaved himself up with a dramatic sigh and strut over to the door. 

„Who dares disturb the great Taako during his beauty rest?“ he queried as he opened the door to see actual-grim-reaper-and-sorta-taako's-boyfriend Kravitz standing there.

„Oh, Taako, I'm sorry, I – I can come back later if this is a bad time...“ 

The moment their eyes met, Taako's stomach dropped. Kravitz's eyes were full of warmth, and love, and EXPECTATIONS, and it made him feel like someone had wrapped a rope around his insides and was now pulling HARD. Fuck. Fuck, no. 

He tried to keep his face casual as his mind feverishly tried to figure out what the fuck was going on. 

„Um, no, sugar, always happy to see you.“ His voice sounded almost chill, he thought. Way to go, Taako, A+ acting, conceal don't feel and all that jazz. 

He stepped aside to let Kravitz walk past him and quickly closed the door behind him. He should've thought this through, really, because as soon as the door was shut he felt himself being pushed against it with strong hands on his waist and cold lips on his own. 

And why the fuck wouldn't that be exactly what would happen? Hooking up after saving the world, that had been agreed upon, finally free to, well, fuck. Fuck. This didn't feel right at all. Fuck. Fuuuuuck. 

„Raven Queen, you don't know how long I have wanted to do this...“ Kravitz murmured against Taako's lips, who gave a very nondescript grunt of agreement because that was honestly all that he was currently capable of producing.

It had all been great in the heat of the battle, having finally discovered the Secret of the Taco™ and being more concerned with the fate of the world than with figuring out his own feelings. Seeing Kravitz had been great because, well, it would be great to finally be reunited with your dude after such a long time, right? 

Right now, this thing, being kissed like that, with so much… feeling behind? That wasn't too great. Nope. Nah. 

But what to do about it? He had never really thought of himself as a particularly good guy, but Kravitz was SO good. How the fuck could he make him stop this without breaking his cold and dead heart? 

So he decided to just let it happen. He felt his heart beating like crazy, and definitely not in a fun and flirty way, but he ignored it and pushed the protesting voices in his head away to get into his on-camera mode. No feelings, just acting. Kiss back. Touch here. Stay cool. Pull yourself together, this will pass.

And that went very well until he felt Kravitz' hand roam down his stomach and past his hipbone, the intention quite clear. Without being able to prevent it, every muscle in his body tensed up. 

Kravitz stopped his movements immediately and moved back to search Taako's face. Of course he would, what a fucking gentleman. 

„Taako?“ Kravitz asked, concerned. „Is everything alright?“ 

Taako did his best to grin, though his brain was screaming at him and his hands had started to shake. This was getting ridiculous. He was about to get with his boyfriend, the finest piece of ass he had ever laid his eyes on, how dare his fucking feelings get in the way. 

„Absolutely, my dude. Peachy keen. Do continue.“ He reached his trembling hands out to pull Kravitz back toward him, but Kravitz didn't budge. 

„Taako. Come on, I – I'm not stupid, something's the matter. What is it? Have I done something wrong?“ 

Taako wanted to laugh at that. „No. You haven't. You've done everything you were supposed to do. Doing great.“

„Okay? But something is wrong, right? You're all tense, love.“ The concern on his face made Taako feel even sicker. 

„Fuck. Don't. Call me that, please. I -“, he shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest in an attempt to calm his racing pulse. „I don't know what the fuck is going on. Feelings, I don't do that. Very well. You're like, perfect, and god, the look you've got going there, I can't-“ 

He shook his head again and tried his best to avoid Kravitz's eyes, which were now showing hurt as well as concern. He didn't want to see either. 

„I'm sorry, I thought you wanted this.“ 

„And I do! I did? I don't fucking know!“ Taako threw his hands up in exasperation and let himself fall back against the door, sliding down until he was sitting on the floor. 

„You're hot. I like you. This shouldn't happen.“ he mumbled, eyes fixed on the ground in front of him. 

„What IS happening, Taako?“ Kravitz asked quietly, kneeling down in front of him but making sure not to touch him in any way. „Just… try to explain it to me. Please. Maybe we can figure it out together.“ 

Taako actually did laugh at that. 

„I don't think I can, my dude. Just you saying that is enough - … enough to make me feel weird? It's like… you want things from me, but...“, he looked up at Kravitz, smiling bitterly, „I don't think I have anything to give? I can't do this, this mushy shit, it makes me- it makes me sick.“

„It makes you sick?“ Kravitz echoed. His face had lost it's compassion, almost as if he had also decided to put on a mask. The two stared at each other for a minute before Taako realized the weight of what he had just said. He leaned forward and quickly took Kravitz's hands into his own. 

„No, shit, sorry, that's not what i meant at all. YOU don't make me sick. You're great. Perfect, actually, all of you is, I mean you know you're fine as fuck but like, your inner beauty is also… there… wow, I'm just the master of words aren't I.“ He was rambling, as always. But how to make Kravitz understand? 

„Okay, listen.“ He took a moment to collect himself and then stood up, pulling Kravitz up with him. „Sit down with me. I'll try explaining in a way that doesn't make me sound like a complete lunatic. Or just like a dick, which I guess I am, but you know. So. Please sit down and I'll try.“ 

Kravitz let himself be pulled to the sofa, confusion and hurt apparent on his face. He sat down, his demeanor now careful.

„Go ahead.“

Taako chose to sit on the other end of the sofa with as much space between him and Kravitz as possible. He immediately regretted this decision when he saw another wave of hurt flash across Kravitz's face. He took a deep breath.

„Listen. I don't know which words apply to whatever is happening so I'll just describe it all how I see it and I hope it makes sense. That cool with you?“ Kravitz nodded.

„Right, where to start… So like, when we met… Maybe not when we first met because the whole tentacle thing was an unfortunate circumstance really, or maybe you were into that I don't know? I could've found out I guess but the chances of that happening seem increasingly slim now… Anyway, so when we met for the second time then, I really enjoyed the whole thing that we had going. The flirting and shit? That was great, 10/10, into that.“ He dared to shoot a look over at Kravitz whose face had turned unreadable. 

„And earlier, seeing you again, it was real good, and I was super happy and all that but like, the world was kinda ending? So I guess I never thought about what would happen in, like, the future?“ He scratched his nose absentmindedly, desperately trying to find the right words to describe these… feelings.

„And just now, when you were standing in that door over there, you looked so… Hopeful? And seeing that, inside of me just tensed up real bad and I felt panicked and I don't know why. Like you have expectations? Of what this - … us- ...“ His heart rate sped up again at that word. „… of what this is going to be like. And you call me by disgusting names that make me feel bad for whatever reason and I totally don't hate making out with you and belieeeve me, I'm totally dee-tee-eff but for whatever reason all that- all that mushy feeling shit just kind of…“ 

He looked around the room, his mind racing.

„It's like a blockage? Like… fooling around is one thing, but when I start thinking of an actual r- … re- relationship with you my brain just completely error's out.“ Taako had never stuttered before, but for some reason words like „us“, „relationship“ and all that jazz held too much in them for him to comfortably pronounce.

„So… you don't hate me.“ Kravitz stated, giving it just the tiniest inflection at the end to make it sound like a question.

„Hell no, I don't.“ Quite the opposite, actually, he wanted to say, but couldn't. Kravitz relaxed visibly and let himself lean back into the sofa.

„That's… good. Great. Um. So the problem isn't that you don't want to be with me?“

„No, fuck, no, absolutely not. I mean, I do! I absolutely do. I want to. Be with you. Ugh. You don't know how hard it is for me to say shit like this.“ Taako hid his face behind his hands and shook his head. 

Kravitz smiled and moved closer to Taako. He slowly reached toward him and, seeing that Taako didn't flinch away, slowly removed his hands from his face. 

„I think I get it. I can't say that I can relate to what you're feeling, but I've dealt with so many different people throughout both life and death that I'd like to think I'm pretty good when it comes to empathy.“ He entangled his fingers with Taako's and let their joined hands rest in the empty space between them. 

„You're afraid of commitment. Maybe you've never had to deal with another person's feelings in this way before. It can be quite overwhelming, really.“

While Kravitz was talking, Taako frowned down at their joined hands and pondered over the other man's patience with him. He would've given up on himself, like, a minute after he had started talking. If that.

„But I think we can work with this. I really do. Now I know that affection and emotional intimacy make you uncomfortable-“, Taako flinched at that. „-I can tone it down. We can go slow. And please, you don't need to feel like you need to give me anything. I'm a big boy, I'm responsible for my own happiness. You're just a bonus, really.“ 

„… that's disgusting, you're so sappy.“ Taako mumbled, but he can't hide a small smile.

„Was that too much already? Sorry. How about this. Whenever I make you uncomfortable with my… proclamations? You say… tentacle. How's that?“ 

Taako actually grinned at that. „You sure that's an appropriate safe word, bone man? What if I just wanna express an invitation?“ He wriggled his eyebrows and Kravitz snorted, blushing.

„All in good time, lo-… Taako.“ 

„Oh? I'll take note of that.“ Taako smirked, now completely restored to his calm and collected and completely cool self. „But in all seriousness, thanks for that pep-talk, you're great, super, I'm cool now, so if you wanna get back to the smooching…?“ 

And they did.

**Author's Note:**

> This is short and rushed and somewhat based on my own feelings towards relationships and commitment and all that. I kinda wanted to explore that with Taako because I feel like he could probably relate. Maybe someone else can, too?


End file.
